Shock Factor

t my age one would think that I’ve seen enough that it would take a lot to shock me. Being the hustler that I am I jumped on Craigslist today to see if I could find a freelance bartender position for the weekend. As I perused through the “gigs” and I ran across this post. Needless to say it stopped me in my tracks. I still have not found the words to appropriately describe my reaction(s). Disturbed? Appalled? Traumatized? You be the judge……

One day at the crossroads.....

Anyone that knows me knows that I am notorious for purging. I often go through my closets and house hold items to find things that I do not want or need any longer then post them online to sell. My rule is – if it hasn’t been used or worn in a year it must go.

Very recently I posted two very sexy pairs of shoes on Craigslist to unload, you know, the killer “You can’t tell me shit heels (unfortunately my narrow-ass feet won’t let me be great). I was overjoyed when I received an inquiry not long after I posted as sometimes it can take quite a while to attract interest in your merchandise.

General rules of web e-commerce: discretion and impartiality. Never do I try to pry into a customer’s personal affairs. I play by the following rules:

·         Respond to the inquiry, confirming the sale.

·         Agree on a public place to meet.

·         Exchange contact info in preparation for the exchange.

·         

Regarding this particular transaction I did take note that the email address seemed to indicate that I was communicating with a man. No biggie, in the past, I had a gentleman pick up a pair of shoes from me for his sister, or so he claimed.

As me and this gentleman, for the purposes of this story let’s call him John, made arrangements to meet our correspondence took an interesting turn.  John asked me if I minded that he would be purchasing the shoes for himself.  He disclosed that he like to cross-dress and recognized that some people were uncomfortable with that.

I admit, I was caught a bit off guard. I mean let’s be honest, there’s nothing nurturing about me, I don’t know this guy. It took a sec but after pulling my world together, I reassured John that I was fine with our transaction and proceeded to confirm the location of the sale. This is when things got really interesting.

Apparently my reassurance to John that there was a lack of prejudice here put him at ease.  For the next several days he began pouring his heart out to me, I became his email therapist, web counselor, online life coach.  John shared pieces of his journey with me, his likes, his dislikes, his insecurities. He inquired about makeup, shoes and clothes, even asked if I had any additional items to show him that he may be able to add to his wardrobe. 

Over the next few days our communications became consistent, corresponding through email several times a day. I suspected that our upcoming meeting was making John a bit nervous which made me equally anxious.

Our rendezvous occurred in a Starbucks parking lot. I felt like I was walking into an emotional war zone and I wasn’t even close to being prepared.  My anxiety grew as I waited (I always feel as though I may be meeting with a serial killer) but much to my surprise John was not the young 20 something man that I had imagined. He was, in fact, in his late 40’s/early 50’s and when approaching me had the air of a confident, testosterone filled man.

We stood in the parking lot as we chatted a bit as he “browsed” through the merchandise that I brought.  We made the exchange but before we said our goodbyes as he asked me to keep in touch. Feeling a bit more comfortable after formally meeting, as well as being curious, I obliged.

As John pulled off, I turned to get in my car and locked eyes with a woman that had been ogling the entire transaction. As she began to giggle and tried to bait me into a conversation, I gave her my legendary death stare to silence whatever ignorance that she planned to share.

We kept in touch for several days. He contacted me and thanked me incessantly for the new additions to his closet. John disclosed that he uses silicone breasts to fill out his clothing and asked if I wanted to help him learn how to do makeup (I most definitely not be of any help here). 

Unfortunately I had to let him go. Although I am very curious about his journey, John did ask if I wanted to see him dressed as a woman. I want to, I truly do, however I do recall John telling me that he only cross-dresses in the comfort of his own home.  I had to pass, this has all the makings of an ID TV or First 48 special, after all, we did meet on Craigslist.

So ended our whirlwind friendship. I can only pray that our brief encounter brought John some encouragement and confidence to live in his truth.

Diaries of an Urban Jetsetter

So I finally decided to step out on faith and take my first solo international trip.  After a little research I decided to travel to St. Kitts, an island in the Eastern Caribbean that is extremely laid back with very little crime (hey listen, a girl has to take certain precautions). As the date of my departure approached I thought several times about canceling but decided to stop being a punk and go, I needed this trip, I needed to get away to clear my head, to regain focus. So I hopped a plane and took off on this journey alone.

Day 1

I travel often so getting there wasn’t an issue.  After clearing customs I grabbed my luggage and jumped into a cab and headed to the hotel. Visiting a new place is always an experience. I will always be in complete awe of people that drive on the “wrong” side of the road. As we made our way to the hotel I cringed as we wound our way around curves and cars whizzed by to my “right” (yikes!!!). Fact – there are no stop lights on the island of St. Kitts. Traffic flow is dependent purely on common courtesy (would NEVER happen in NYC).

After checking in my first stop was the tour desk. I had been advised by a friend to tour the island of Nevis by taking the ferry over and grabbing a taxi but I wasn’t sure I was too comfortable doing this alone so I instead signed up for a “sunset dinner cruise” to Nevis that night. I ran to the room, changed and came back to the desk ready to set out on my excursion. Being the oddball of the group (the single girl) I expected it to be a quiet night of taking in the sights. BOY was I wrong.   I met an awesome group of people that “adopted” me in. We spread out on the catamaran taking in the breeze, the landscape of the hillsides of St. Kitts, the clouds hanging over the mountains and drinking rum punch. As we pulled up on the beach on Nevis we got off of the boat and waded thru thigh high water up onto the beach then off to dinner.

 I spent the next few hours eating, drinking, sharing my history as well as learning about the adventures of the rest of the group. We laughed at the folks trying to dance to the calypso music of the restaurant, a few of them even tried it themselves (I hadn’t had enough liquor to do this).  I indulged in jerk shrimp, with rice and beans, watched a local performer that kind of resembled Abe Lincoln perform a song which I’m not sure but may be have a little inappropriate for dinner. Before I knew it, it was time to head back to St. Kitts. We waded our way back to the boat and settled in for the hour and a half long trip back to our resort under the moonlight.

Day 2

Good move going on the dinner cruise. I met a few folks, specifically an elderly couple from Massachusetts traveling with a widowed sister who sort of adopted me as a pseudo-grandchild.  After speaking with a bellman they hired a taxi driver, the Original Anthony B, and for the next few hours we traveled the island taking in some of the most breathtaking views I have ever seen in my life.  

As I stood on a cliff and looked out over a thin portion of the island that featured the Atlantic Ocean on one side and the Caribbean Sea on the other I thought it does not get any better than this.  We visited another site where I saw the most amazing black rocks that were formed by a volcanic eruption in the 1500s and was a witness to the fighting tides where the two bodies of water physically met. We stopped on the roadside to pick fresh fruit, wandered around a closed rum factory and I climbed to the top of a fort to view neighboring islands while learning the history of how this beautiful island was inhabited and developed.

 Afterwards we returned to the hotel where I separated from the group to have a late waterfront lunch  as I listened to steel drums serenade me with  Donnell Jones – yes that one. I then retired to the beach with my drink and promptly fell asleep in the ocean breeze.

The Finale

The next two days I spent lounging on the beach and taking in the sun and doing as little as possible. I enjoyed the solidity, the peace and fresh air.  What I found most amazing is how much I did WITHOUT the company of someone else. Meeting new people and exploring a new place alone turned out to be not as scary as I thought it was going to be. I feel extremely blessed to have experienced this journey  and cannot wait to try it again. All suggestions for a new destination are welcome ;)

Chronicles of the Unemployed….Pt. 1

So life took an interesting turn at the end of 2013 and I was laid off.  I was notified in August and being that my employer was nice enough to offer me a severance package and I had a project that I was interested in completing  I made the decision to stick around until the bitter end.

After an insane work schedule and school I looked forward to some down time, reconnecting with family and friends during the holidays and getting my attitude back in line after going thru a less than desirable situation after I wrapped up my tenure with my employer.

So after several annoying family gatherings, over spending and a few snow storms I find myself slowly going stir crazy.  I went from working two jobs to not working at all, from never being home to being home ALL of the time.  What is one to do when they have too much idle time??? Here are a few of the special things that have gone down in my house:

1. The hysterical cleaning sessions at 4AM. I’m sure my neighbor upstairs LOVES the sound of my vacuum cleaner waking her at that hour. But you know what? I’m not too amused at the sound of her 20lb fat ass cat jumping off of the furniture all night either so OH WELL.
   

   
2. Late night Celebrity Ghost Stories marathons.  Nothing like scaring yourself into insomnia.
3. I found out my treadmill still works and should no longer should be used as a coat hanger.
   

   
4. I am a certified text stalker. I’m sure my friends hate me by now.
5. Late night conversations. There is NO reason for me to still be on the phone at 3AM. I am NOT in high school.
6. Late at night I become a celebrity chef…..Who knew??!!  
   

   
7. Really in depth conversations about the current state of my life. Then I realize……I’m alone (I swear I’m not crazy).
8. My favorite spot in the in the whole apartment is the left end of my couch. I’m pretty sure there’s a butt imprint there.
   

   
9. I pace….a LOT. I think I’ve worn a path clear thru the center of my apartment.
10. I’m a dreamer. I’m unemployed, I should NOT be utilizing my time on real estate websites.
    

    

Four weeks at home and I’m restless as all hell. With that in mind I desperately seek employment before either I start answering myself in those “in depth” conversations or my neighbors petition for me to be put out.

Til next time…..

Top 10 Epic Moments of my Nightlife Career

When I was in grad school I found myself in a position that many graduate share – strapped for cash. Working part time during the day and attending classes in the evening just wasn’t cutting it, so I turned to the nightlife industry and began bartending.  It was quick cash and helped me thru some tough times. I got used to the extra cash so I’ve bartended off and on for years and finally evolved into another area of the nightlife industry as a hostess/door person.   

My experience in the nightlife industry has bought about many, many stories of brazen, drunken foolishness that really is made for TV. Finally I’ve decided to let this lifestyle go and as I drift into “retirement” I wanted to share my top 10 most epic moments of my nightlife career. 

10.    Working in the nightlife industry often presents the opportunity to party while you work. One night in particular I watched a bartender take this luxury to a whole new level. While the rest of us were trying to wrap up business at the end of the evening, I watched as her conversations got extremely loud and as she stumbled around the bar trying to “clean” she fell, not once, not twice but THREE times. The last time security just told her to stay down.

9. My mom is an old school mama, but as a new generation with younger parents (sometimes not) come up behind me I find more and more often I’m staring into the faces of someone’s MAMA who has come to the club to celebrate their child’s birthday and effectively teach their kid how to “drop it like it’s hot” the right way.

8. You know you’re drunk when……you get dragged out of the club, unconscious, by 2 bouncers, toes facing down.  HILARIOUS!!!!

7. I used to bartend at a pretty sizeable night club that used to cater to “college” parties which are a different type of beast. These parties attract young people that want to prove that adult they are by consuming the most potent liquor they can purchase and trying to out-drink the next guy/gal.  So one night as I’m working a “college” party a group of guys come up to my bar talking trash to each other.  They decide to down several shots of cognac while reassuring each other that they were fine in the most manly fashion they could muster up.  After a few shots one guy proved to his boys that he was the weakest link as he suddenly PUKED all over my bar.  And Yes – I snatched a little more of his manhood away from him as made him clean up his own puke, I damn sure wasn’t touching it.

6. This is one topic that will surely stir the pot. I respect the LGBT movement (I’m sure that’s not the politically correct way to put that). One evening a dude walked up to me with his hair beautifully locked and pulled back into a neat ponytail. Dressed in a shirt, tie and vest worn with jeans and a full, thick mustache I told him that it was $20 for guys to get into the club that evening. 

That’s when he shrieked at me “But I’m a girl” and that’s when I noticed the small boobs…..REALLY??? So you want ME to respect your transition into manhood HOWEVER when you get treated like one then you want to revert back to being female? Sorry sweetheart, it doesn’t work like that. Pick a side and stay on it. You cannot switch between genders in order to accommodate your situation, that’s not how this works.  Welcome to the other side.

5. I know Usher thought it was a good idea to sing about it but trust me when I tell you if you’re doing it in the club it’s definitely NOT “making love”.  I have lost count of the number of nights I have accidentally witnessed two people (in the words of Big Pun) crushing.  Um, ewwww…..FYI – always be mindful of where you sit in the club. Ladies please make sure that whatever you are wearing is ALWAYS long enough to protect your skin from any surface you may be seated on. You never know what the previous occupant of that seat may have done there.

4. One evening I got hit on by a gay guy. I honestly was not sure if I should have been flattered or insulted but decided it was in my best interest to not think about it too much.

3. Imagine the look on my face the night I looked up just in time to see someone coming into the club wearing…..and iced out Jesus Christ. I’ll let you ponder on that one for a while…..

2. So back to the night club I used to bartend for…..This particular venues used to host all types of functions. It was really a multi-use facility and used to rent out space for private functions such as baby & bridal showers, retirement parties, etc.  One afternoon I had the honor of working at a baby shower for well, I’m not really sure what happened. I wasn’t clear if this poor baby was a result of a one night stand or whether the lovely couple decided to part ways after the woman had become pregnant.  Either way the expectant mother decided she was going to celebrate her freedom from the “dad” and the last little bit of freedom before her new bundle of joy arrived in a bit of a non-traditional way by hiring entertainment for the event – A STRIPPER.  As I watched in disbelief as this nearly naked man humped this pregnant woman I made an executive decision. Instead of judging I decided to take advantage of the fact that this woman had just done me a favor. The stripper was cute therefore I got his manager’s phone number and booked him for my bff’s bachelorette party. I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell for that but so what…

1. Last but not least….You know you’ve had an epic night when you fall asleep at a traffic light, car still in gear in front of the police (NO IT WAS NOT ME!!!)

 

All of that excitement has wiped me out. So for now I bid farewell to the nightlife and resolve to hanging out on my couch with a bowl of popcorn. It is SO much safer here.

HAPPY FRIDAY MY LUVS!!!!!!

WTF!!!!

 

 

Welcome to Fall! Wait, what did you think I meant???  Well anyhoo…..

It’s that time of year again. Summer time is quickly retreating into the sunset as our days get shorter and the temperature gets cooler. We put away the tank tops, maxi dresses and sandals so we can pull out the sweaters, light jackets and our favorite ladies…..BOOTS!!!!

But another huge change takes place along with the seasonal change. It is what my friend refers to as...”Cuffing Season”.  People all of a sudden feel the need to be a part of a “couple”. They begin to reach out, rekindle old relationships, make new connections all in the name of cooler weather.   

As the temperature begins to dip I have begun to receive some really interesting communications.  I logged into my email to find a message from someone that swore me off about 3 years ago.  I got a text message from someone who just a few short weeks ago felt the need to tell me all about his new girlfriend, even wanted to introduce me to her.  Let’s also not forget the abundance of “Hey, how’ve you been?” text messages that have come in from men I no longer keep in touch with regularly. 

What is it about the cooler weather that makes people believe that they need to be with someone? Is it the overwhelming urge to have someone around for extra body heat? Or is the lack of “options” due to the colder weather??  Either way this is shaping up to be an interesting fall. I’ll just sit back and indulge in the foolishness while I affectionately sip on a pumpkin spice latte ;)

In Memoriam

Sept. 11, 2001…no one will ever forget where they were, what they were doing and what they felt when those planes hit two of the grandest buildings in the world. 

It was my second day working part time for a structural engineering firm near Union Square as I worked towards obtaining my Master’s degree. I was excited because I so looked forward to the new school year and this new opportunity that was allowing me to focus on my degree.  The morning was absolutely gorgeous, the air was crisp and the sky was crystal clear. Still trying to get my bearings of the neighborhood I took the wrong train to work and as I walked up University Place towards Union Square I could hear the sound of a plane pass over my head. My initial thought was that the plane sounded a little too low, a little too close, however I was becoming a New Yorker, I dismissed it as a possible movie shoot and kept walking.

There was a man coming towards me and the look that spread across his face literally stopped me in my tracks – confusion, disbelief. I turned to see what he was staring at the looked into a perfect outline of an airliner in the side of one of the towers.  I had missed the initial explosion but there was the outline and a thin trail of smoke. At first people were confused, amazed and I watched as people ran in and out of the camera shop ahead of me to buy disposable cameras so that they can capture this unfathomable moment. 

I decide to continue my trip to work as I was only about a block or so away and as I approached the front of the building was almost flattened by one of the partners from the engineering firm as he ran into the street to view for himself what was happening.  Walking into the reception area I informed the receptionist what had happened and she looked at me in disbelief. As news spread throughout the office my co-workers gathered, hanging out of windows to catch a bird’s eye view of the action. It was not long after a second plane appeared then hit the second tower. That is when it sunk in that this was no accident. Panic set in, we began jumping online to see if there were any reports, trying to call loved ones but by that time cell signals had already been shut down and the land lines were so jammed that the chances of a call getting through were very slim. 

I managed to speak with a co-worker from the company in which I had just left, she lived in Jersey City and was looking for a way out as well. I told her that I had tried contacting my parents and couldn’t reach them and knew they were worried. She took their number and promised to give them a call. I would later find out that the call she placed to my parents’ home was the ONLY one that she managed to get thru successfully. This is when my journey began. 

As reality set that we were under attack the folks in my office were trying to decide how we were going to get out of Manhattan as the authorities had already shut down all mass transit.  It was noon when I left the office and headed uptown, on foot, towards my old office in search of my friend. I walked up from 11^th St. to 41^st Street via Lexington Ave.  It was a long, long, scary walk. Passing cars covered in debris, people walking around looking totally lost, the sirens, the soldiers beginning to walk the street I felt as if I was in the Twilight Zone. I finally reached 41^st St. only to find that my friend already left and headed home to I began my solo trek across town as the only way off the island was by boat. All transit had been suspended.

Walking thru midtown was surreal. It was eerily quiet and in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon, I stood in the middle of Times Square. There was almost dead silence, no people, no cars, absolutely nothing, hell it was so desolate tumbleweed would have almost been appropriate. Everyone was literally running for their lives. I continued my trip westbound in hopes that I could get back to New Jersey.   

As I approached the Westside Highway I realized my journey was far from over. The line to the ferry back to NJ stretched from 41^st Street to 46^th Street and wrapped around 2-3 times over. What was really interesting was that the process was strangely orderly, there was no pushing and shoving, there was no hostility, everyone just fell into line and waited there turn. Reality had sunk in that we were in this together. 

I stood in line for several hours waiting for my turn to board a boat and made friends with the folks standing around me. Waiting with me was a newly engaged man who told me all about his fiancé as we waited and also a woman who escaped the towers with a nice sized gash in her shoulder that she earned as she fell down the stairs trying to run for her life. There were injured people, people covered in soot and we stood, together and shared our stories as we watched Manhattan turn into a war zone. There were F16’s flying over head and Hummers full of soldiers holding M-16s driving past, us racing towards what would used to be the site of the Twin Tower and would later be named Ground Zero. 

Finally it was time for me to board the boat. The constant chatter amongst the waiting passengers ceased and silence took over.  My emotions began to take control as I began to feel guilty for leaving the island knowing there were multitudes of people that were being left behind. Me and my two new friends stood together and watched Ground Zero burn in silence and we made our way across the water and after being dumped in Weehawken we said goodbye, wished each other well and boarded our respective buses to go on to complete our journeys home. 

My bus dropped me at Hoboken Station and I was then able to take a train back to my town and took the last few minutes of my walk home to soak in a bit of solitude. I will NEVER forget the look on my mother’s face when I walked thru the door, it was at that point that I knew that even though my friend had called to tell them that I was ok they still were not sure that I wasn’t dead.  

After talking to my parents for a while I went to bed. I slept for a while but the nightmares took control, the first of many that I would have for months to come. The next day even though I wished that the nightmare from the day before had actually been a dream, my aching body quickly reminded me that it had very much been a reality. 

I don’t tell my story often as I feel very silly doing so. I didn’t lose a loved one, matter of fact I didn’t know anyone that died. However on Sept. 11, 2001 my life changed drastically. That naïve, safe bubble I had been living in had been burst. The world had changed and NO ONE would ever be the same.   

So on this day of reflection I continue to pray….I pray for those that lost their lives in the Towers, in the Pentagon and in that field in PA. I pray for the heroes that gave their lives that day and continue to give their lives as they deal with the effects of working tirelessly at Ground Zero. I pray for the families of those who lost their lives. I pray for our armed forces as they continue to fight for our freedom and protection daily. And lastly I pray for myself….that one day I can finally be at peace.

Amen.